Little Humor Of The Day

Antus67

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An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”. The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.
She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.
She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.
The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
The moral of the story?
If you’re going to have a senior moment… make it memorable.
 

Prorootect

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By Gene Linetsky - Paul Burrows comment - It makes people worried about if they are on THE HIG...jpg


By Gene Linetsky. Paul Burrows comment: It makes people worried about if they are on THE HIGHWAY TO HELL or if they are on THE STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN....jpg
 
Last edited:

Prorootect

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...and this one:
France to protect crowing cockerels and smelly cows in law enshrining 'sounds and smells of the countryside'
Maurice, the French cockerel whose owners won a legal battle to allow him to keep crowing at dawn

French MPs are tabling a new bill to stop people complaining about the sounds and smells of the countryside Credit: XAVIER LEOTY/AFP

France is set to declare the sounds and smells of the countryside part of its “rural sensory heritage” in an attempt to end a slew of legal complaints ranging from crowing cockerels to the stench of cowpats.
A cultural parliamentary commission from across the political spectrum unanimously voted in favour of the bill this week tabled by centrist MP Pierre Morel-à-l’Huissier.
Once adopted, he said it would enable the different regions of France to draw up a list of the “characteristic sounds or smells of a territory, such as for example the shrieking of cicadas in Provence or the smell of grape must in the Hérault (southwestern France)".
“All the regions concerned will have to do is add these to their heritage list for them to be protected,” he told Le Figaro.
Under the new legislation, complaints about “sound or smell pollution that refers to emissions inscribed on the rural sensory heritage (list) cannot be deemed abnormal neighbourly disturbances”.

-read more: France to protect crowing cockerels and smelly cows in law enshrining 'sounds and smells of the countryside'
 
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Antus67

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An elderly man visited the doctor for a checkup. "Mr. Smith, you’re in great shape," said the doctor afterward. "How do you do it?"
"Well," said Mr. Smith, "I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, and the good Lord looks out for me. For weeks now, every time I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, he turns the light on for me."
Concerned, the doctor found Mrs. Smith in the waiting room and told her what her husband had said


"I don’t think that’s anything to worry about," she said. "And on the bright side, it does explain who’s been peeing in the fridge."


0ab8a7ef-da5d-4a40-bf11-884d42ffe543.jpg


.
 

Antus67

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Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days afterward, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc - 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'''
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur - be careful.'"
 

Antus67

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Jack strode into ‘John’s Stable’ looking to buy a horse. “Listen here” said John, “I’ve got just the horse your looking for, the only thing is, he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t go and stop the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to scream heyhey the way to get him to go is to scream Thank God. Jim nodded his head, “fine with me, can I take him for a test run?” Jim was having the time of his life this horse sure could run he thought to himself. Jim was speeding down the dirt road when he suddenly saw a cliff up ahead “stop!” screamed Jim, but the horse kept on going. No matter how much he tried he could not remember the words to get it to stop. “yoyo” screamed Jim but the horse just kept on speeding ahead. It was 5 feet from the cliff when Jim suddenly remembered “heyhey!” Jim screamed. The horse skidded to a halt just 1 inch from the cliff. Jim could not believe his good fortune, he looked up to the sky, raised his hands in the air, breathed a deep sigh of relief and said with conviction “Thank God.”

Read more at:
 

Antus67

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“Harry,” whined Mary, to her husband of 20 years. “What should I do?! I’m not ready for old age! I’m only 40 years old but I look and feel like I’m over 55! My face is all wrinkly, my back is bent over, and my hair is all thinned out.” “Well,” said Harry after looking her up and down, “There is one thing about you that still works as good as new.” “Oh Harry!” said Mary sitting down next to her husband, “you always know just what to say! What are you referring to?” “Never mind” said Harry looking down. “C’mon Harry, please tell me what you were referring to.” “Mary, please don’t make me.” “Harry I insist.” “Well I was going to remark about how your eyesight seems to be working just fine!”
 

Prorootect

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Dude, where’s my Little Bird? Army closes ‘stolen helicopter’ investigation
by Kyle Rempfer

A static display helicopter was reported stolen at Fort Hood, Texas, following the long weekend, sparking social media posts and even an quick investigation by Army Criminal Investigation Command, but officials said Friday that the whole thing was a misunderstanding.
After looking into the incident, Army CID special agents determined the light helicopter was simply moved for scheduled maintenance.
“The out of service, demilitarized, display helicopter was initially reported stolen, but after further investigation, it was determined that the OH-6A was not stolen and was never out of Army control,” Army CID spokesman Chris Grey said.
“It was moved from one brigade to another to execute a contract to repaint the helicopter for future display," Grey added.
A Facebook post from a private group focused on Little Bird helicopters was shared over the Army Reddit forum with a U.S. Army WTF Moments watermark, indicating it was shared there first. The post called for assistance in locating the missing OH-6A Little Bird helicopter.
A separate post on the same Reddit forum included a picture of the missing aircraft on the back of a truck bed with the caption “Little Bird has been found," closing the mystery once and for all as the rogue OH-6A arrives for its paint job.
The tail number mentioned in the posts for the missing aircraft was 65-12962. That number is listed on aircraft heritage websites as being last located and photographed at the U.S. Army Aviation Museum on Fort Rucker, Alabama.
Here on armytimes.com : Dude, where’s my Little Bird? Army closes ‘stolen helicopter’ investigation
 
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Antus67

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People in Arcadia are crazy!! You won't believe what just happened! I stopped in at the Gas pumps at Amaco I'm walking inside to get a Mtn Dew & I saw 2 cops looking at a woman who was smoking while pumping gas! I'm like, REALLY!? Look at this woman, is she crazy! The police are just standing there... Watching her!! So I'm inside the store & while I was paying, I heard someone screaming. I look outside and that woman's arm was on fire. Now I'm freaking out!! She was tossing her arm around, waving and just going crazy! I ran outside and the 2 cops put her on the ground and were putting her arm out with the fire extinguisher! as I'm walking to my truck, the cops start to put handcuffs on her. WHAT THE HECK!! So me, being the concerned citizen I am (and also REALLY nosy) asked the cops what they were arresting her for; already figuring her arm catching fire was enough punishment . Nope! One cop looked me dead in the eye and said, "waving a fire arm!!!".

LOL!!! Gotcha!!!! HAVE A GOOD DAY!!!
 

Prorootect

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Coronavirus came from METEORITE which hit China last year - bombshell scientist claim - ...:ROFLMAO:
THE deadly coronavirus which has killed more than 1,000 people globally came from a meteorite which hit China last year, scientists have sensationally claimed....
Professor Chandra Wickramasinghe, of the Buckingham Centre for Astrobiology, said: “The sudden outbreak of a new coronavirus is very likely to have a space connection, the strong localisation of the virus within China is the most remarkable aspect of the disease.
etc etc... very wicked finding.
- Never from Canada? Theft in Canada Bio laboratory?...No, from meteorite says Professor.:p
Here: Coronavirus came from METEORITE which hit China last year - bombshell scientist claim
 

mlnevese

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Coronavirus came from METEORITE which hit China last year - bombshell scientist claim - ...:ROFLMAO:
THE deadly coronavirus which has killed more than 1,000 people globally came from a meteorite which hit China last year, scientists have sensationally claimed....
Professor Chandra Wickramasinghe, of the Buckingham Centre for Astrobiology, said: “The sudden outbreak of a new coronavirus is very likely to have a space connection, the strong localisation of the virus within China is the most remarkable aspect of the disease.
etc etc... very wicked finding.
- Never from Canada? Theft in Canada Bio laboratory?...No, from meteorite says Professor.:p
Here: Coronavirus came from METEORITE which hit China last year - bombshell scientist claim

Next they'll be blaming aliens...
 

Antus67

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Nov 3, 2019
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A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.
"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant. "Nothing," the woman answered "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."
"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."
 

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