Dear Comrades, on behalf of our Governor General Pat Quinn and the newly appointed Secretary General of Obamagrad Rahm Emanuel we wish to extend a warm welcome from the People’s Republic of Illinois. As fellow party loyalists we wish to assure of you of our unyielding support during these difficult days. We are honored that you have taken refuge here among your true friends and supporters.
We are sensitive to your plight and are willing to give you shelter and protection from the dangerous enemies of the state which are known as Tea Partiers, Patriots, Capitalists and Taxpayers. Here in the People’s Republic of Illinois you will be safe from the horrors of representative government which have driven you from your homes, families and comrades. While there have been a few incidents since your arrival, as subversive elements caused your retreat from locations in Rockford and Harvard we hope that you took notice of the quick response of our highly efficient unionized police agencies.
Although we fully support your actions in defense of our comrades in the public sector unions, it should be noted that you are partly to blame for the current attempts at reform being perpetrated by the opposition party in your home states. Your failure to sufficiently control the electoral process in your states and districts has caused the party to lose control over the government. By now you have come to realize that too much reliance on our fellow travelers in the main stream media and too little control over the ballot box has led to disaster.
Here in the People’s Republic of Illinois we too were faced with reform candidates during last November’s election, but we here are much wiser and more sophisticated. Our leaders understand that the people must be led and cared for like little children and that they should never be allowed to govern themselves because of the harm that they would inflict upon themselves. To save the people from the horrors of representative government we organize the urban populous into voting blocks and enlist the aid of our honored dead to ensure that the party will continue to care for our beloved children.
While other states were engaged in budget cutting and fiscal reform, we here in the People’s Republic of Illinois did not sacrifice our core values. We held firm to the party line. While others slept, our party was making secret deals and special appointments to secure passage of the largest tax increase in state history. While there was some initial resistance and anger among the people, our friends in the main stream media contained the damaging stories of corrupt backroom deals and kept the public in the dark. Instead of budget cuts and the loss of union jobs, we now have increased spending and added hundreds of new dues paying state employees. Our dear leader himself has singled us out as the model of progressive government.
Now that you have found safe haven among your comrades you can be assured that the central government under the watchful eye of our beloved leader will continue to rally our comrades and fellow travelers from across the country to besiege the halls of state government and maintain an intimidating presence until the reform sickness has been purged. We hope that you will take note of the methods employed on your behalf and learn how to stem the tide before the next outbreak of fiscal responsibility threatens your home state. Please accept with our compliments a copy of Rules For Radicals by Saul Alinsky, read it, learn it and live it.
Best wishes for a pleasant visit and a speedy return to the seat of power.
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