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EternalPetya has more than 10 different names. Many do not realize that CryptoLocker is long dead. These are not isolated cases but symptoms of a systemic problem: The way we name malware does not work. Why does it happen and how can we solve it?

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How often did I end up in this situation:

1. I find a name that sounds great. I type it into Google, and it turns out to be a city.
2. I change my name by mixing up some of its letters. Google now tells me this new name is a company's name.
3. I reverse the string. Google tells me it is a person's family name.
4. At this point I use my fail-safe method to create a completely unique name: I roll my head on the keyboard while making frustrated noises. I call this the "I give up" method. Allegedly some analysts let their cat sit or walk over the keyboard while others give it to their toddler to play with. This "random" generated word turns out to be an offensive word in a few languages that I don't speak.

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