April Fools' Day 2019 (Microsoft Buys Appguard and Voodooshield)

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shmu26

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"Vowing to make up for security lapses of the past, Microsoft has announced its purchase of the well-known security giants AppGuard and VoodooShield, the core technologies of which will be incorporated in the next iteration of Windows 10, scheduled for release in the fall of 2019. The purchase price was not publicized, but was estimated at 3.5 billion Euros.

Additionally, Microsoft announced that Hard_Configurator and SRP will be made part of Windows source code, to secure the fledging Windows Linux sub-system, and will thus no longer be open-source. 'This will have legal implications,' Microsoft legal counsel warned."

April Fools' Day - Wikipedia
 
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oldschool

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"Vowing to make up for security lapses of the past, Microsoft has announced its purchase of the well-known security giants AppGuard and VoodooShield, the core technologies of which will be incorporated in the next iteration of Windows 10, scheduled for release in the fall of 2019. The purchase price was not publicized, but was estimated at 3.5 billion Euros.

Additionally, Microsoft announced that Hard_Configurator and SRP will be made part of Windows source code, and will thus no longer be open-source. 'This will have legal implications,' Microsoft legal counsel warned."

April Fools' Day - Wikipedia

The real April fool was @oldschool for installing this buggy "new" Edge. :cry:Really, how do I get rid of it? :emoji_fearful:
 

shmu26

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The uncensored version of the article appeared on the dark web, including the following excerpt:
"Jeff Torrowsky, key developer of Appguard, commented: "This is a positive development but I hope it is just the first step in eradicating mankind's greatest scourge, which is Powershell. Unfortunately, 99.9999% of Microsoft users will not appreciate the significance of this. But it must be done."

"Dan Boulder, mastermind of VoodooShield, commented: "As I was saying all along, your computer should be locked when it is at risk. Now we are closer to that dream coming true. Thank you!"
 

shmu26

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Meg O’Connor, noted Comodo ninja and famed malware tester, tweeted: "This is So Cute but totally unnecessary because Ophelia will be releasing CruelOS at approximately the same time, which will quickly turn Windows 10 into a relic of the past."
 
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shmu26

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President Trump responded from the White House that he is already using this technology to protect the details of the soon-to-be-revealed Deal of the Century, and aside from the Russians, the Chinese and the Israelis, none have gained access to his private server yet.
 

RoboMan

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Trending news: Umbra Security Inc. announced the acquisition of Microsoft's AppGuard, VoodooShield, Windows Defender and Microsoft itself, making Umbra Security Inc. the most valued business all across the world. It is expected to incorporate its technology to the latest Umbra Total Security for Windows and once for all make its original idea come true: detect and eradicate malware over-the-air, protecting PC's that don't even have it installed in an area of 75KM.

source: www.microsoft.com/news/umbra-total-security-buys-boramurdar/whatdoesJackthink-about-this?1821
 

Dave Russo

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Trending news: Umbra Security Inc. announced the acquisition of Microsoft's AppGuard, VoodooShield, Windows Defender and Microsoft itself, making Umbra Security Inc. the most valued business all across the world. It is expected to incorporate its technology to the latest Umbra Total Security for Windows and once for all make its original idea come true: detect and eradicate malware over-the-air, protecting PC's that don't even have it installed in an area of 75KM.

source: www.microsoft.com/news/umbra-total-security-buys-boramurdar/whatdoesJackthink-about-this?1821
Is that Umbra and his girl in video,he should consider leaving software industry and selling Dvd"s,he really has a great voice
 

Dave Russo

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President Trump responded from the White House that he is already using this technology to protect the details of the soon-to-be-revealed Deal of the Century, and aside from the Russians, the Chinese and the Israelis, none have gained access to his private server yet.
Hillary is Donald"s go to gal when it comes to White House Internet Security
 
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